How much more can I leverage myself?

Most of my early education was sponsored/subsidized in life, so when I had to pay for college I went with an education loan. Later when I was working and paying back loans I felt its burden for the first time. Nevertheless, there is nothing wrong in picking up loans to study. I worked for a while and in the process ended up buying a house despite initial resistance. Of course, with the help of a loan. I moved into my new home and it was all good, but I slowly started feeling the burden of paying loan every month again. I stretched myself a bit here and things were getting little tight. I did not see a very great career ahead in my current job. So finally I decided to go for an MBA (which was on the back of my mind for a while but now it felt like the push came to shove). You might have already guessed the next part - an other loan! The current program I am in is quite expensive but the bank manager saw the worth in me and my degree and gave me a loan despite already having a home loan. Now I thought this is leveraging myself to the maximum.

Two things happened today which prompted me to put down my thoughts. May be when I revisit this post in a couple of days I might be able to evaluate my dilemma more objectively. A couple of weeks back few friends of mine were discussing about a start-up idea and I ended up in the team. I told my mom and sis about this idea and though they were excited initially my financial situation slowly dawned up on them. My sister is paying my home loan now. She agreed to help me till I get back on my job which made perfect sense at that time. But if I were to go start a company she would have to support me longer and I really cannot ask that of my kid sister. Anyway, today I got two emails.
              The first one from Google mentioning that they have selected our idea for Google Startup launch program - a program in which Google provides mentoring and assistance to startups to fast track their implementation. They would provide monetary assistance in terms of Google cloud credits and also mentor-ship.
               The  second email is from my school asking me to remit the second installment of my School fees in the next few days.

So my dilemma is how much more and how long can I leverage myself? Do I take a job and pay back my dues or give the startup a shot? My teammates are fully aware of my situation as that was the first thing I told them before I joined the team. They can go on even if I am not there so it is up to me to decide what to do next! Startups are not easy. We are fully aware of the risks. The success rate is very very low and even at that rate it takes some time before an idea can fully materialize.

Don't you ever feel like starting something of your own and giving it your full shot. Who cares if it does not work out!! We know for certain that we are going to die but that does not stop us from enjoying our lives. Startup is also a similar thing - you could have fun making something and unlike death, at-least there is a small yet finite chance that it would work out! Though all this sounds exciting and I am biased to convince myself towards what attracts me the question still remains - how much more can I leverage myself?

Pleasant news

Unexpected but pleasant things sometimes make us more happy. Having done relatively bad in the past term I was not really looking forward to see my mid term scores today. I scored cent percent in two of the three exams but I was not feeling anything much. I was not pissed off like the previous time but I did not really care much anymore. Anyways, then this friend of mine called few mins back with a good news - he's got a job as an Assistant Director. Now this news really made me so damn happy. This friend of mine left his job in the States, moved back home and was trying to get into the Movie industry. But this is a really difficult field to get in if you really do not have much connections or resources. He has been trying for a while now. We even made a short movie couple of months back so that he can showcase his work to introduce himself (guess who the Cinematographer was). But finally he got his break.

We all have dreams and quite often they are crazy too. But we are scared to go after them because of fear of not making it or fear of the uncertainty. We get so terrified to even entertain the possibility of pursuing them. Only few dare to chase their dreams and I believe they are the ones who would be truly happy at the end of their journey when they look back. The first time he seriously told me about his movie making passion was exactly two years, five months and two days back. We had a long conversation on a rainy day at the other end of the world in California. Though I did not fully comprehend his concepts I could see how serious he was. I was in a confusing situation myself, without clarity about future, but it felt good to see a friend with such strong convictions about what to do in life. I knew that it was going to be a long and hard journey. It has been a while since then but he is finally on track to realizing his dreams. He has a long way to go but regardless of where he ends up in his life, I am sure that he would relish every moment of the adventure.

Cost Of Liesure

I don't read anymore. At least that is how I feel even though I keep going through pages and pages every day. I am so caught up in the business of learning that sometimes I worry that I have lost the ability to get pleasure out of reading for the sake of reading itself and not with the intention to learn something. School gets so busy but when it gets too busy to even enjoy a book it makes me wonder if my time is well spent here. If this is not the place where I can read I wonder where else it could be. All I hear is loud music every where with chants of 'Drink..Drink..Drink'. I hear screaming girls and when I peep out of my window I can see them passed out on the lawns. So may be it is me who is at the wrong place.

I dream about reading a book by the lake side in the valley beside the snow capped mountain. But I do not have the money to afford that kind of leisure. (To put it in my newly learned business jargon - my 'opportunity cost' of leisure is too high.) So I need to learn not read, so that I can earn not money but leisure. In that case may be being here is not very unreasonable. Is it?!